What is a Wedding Ceremony?

This may seem like an obvious point, but having a clear understanding of what specifically makes a wedding ceremony a wedding ceremony is helpful when it comes to clarifying your role as the officiant. So what is a wedding ceremony?

A WEDDING CEREMONY DEFINED

The short answer is that a wedding ceremony is the ritual by which two people get married. This answer assumes an understanding of wedding ceremony rituals and what the term “marriage” actually means. You see what’s happening here? Basically, beyond the most fundamental definition of “wedding ceremony,” it’s much harder to pin down what really happens, who it involves, and how. In other words, it’s really up to the couple how they define their ceremony. To help do this, we break down some important terms and ideas below.

MODERN WEDDING CEREMONY RITUALS AND TRADITIONS

When you hear the phrase “Wedding Ceremony” certain images probably come to mind. You may picture a white wedding dress, wedding rings, tossing a bouquet of flowers, etc.

Although these things feature prominently in modern western weddings, they are not definitive of a wedding ceremony in general. You can have a perfectly valid wedding without a white dress, or even diamond rings.

That said, they are so common that many people assume these are essential parts of a wedding ceremony. They are not. Let’s unpack the components of a modern wedding ceremony, so that you can decide on your own what you want to include in your wedding.

WHITE WEDDING

The inclusion of white wedding dresses began with Queen Victoria around 1840. This tradition is one of the cultural hallmarks of the Victorian era. Since then, it has become so popular that the white wedding dress has become the iconic costume of the brides around the world, and ubiquitously associated with weddings.

However, there is no cultural or legal requirement for the bride to wear a white dress. If the bride wants to dress like Lady Gaga in the Poker Face video, that is her prerogative. White is also associated with purity and virginity, and for some brides, projecting these cultural values may not be appropriate. Ultimately, white can symbolize anything the bride chooses.

DIAMOND RINGS

The diamond wedding ring is an even more modern cultural phenomena. Though wedding rings of various sorts have been used in wedding rituals across centuries and cultures, their popularity was nothing like the modern ring exchange ritual.

This modern ritual was schemed up in the 1940s by the De Beers Diamond company. They literally spent millions of dollars in advertising and marketing over many years to make their rings an essential part of the wedding ceremony. It worked. These days, a wedding ceremony doesn’t feel complete without this component, however it’s important to remember that a) it’s not required and b) you can substitute diamond rings for any other form of jewelry if there is something that is more symbolic to you.

HISTORICAL WEDDING CEREMONY RITUALS AND TRADITIONS

You don’t need to have a white wedding dress or expensive rings in order for a wedding ceremony to take place. That choice is purely up to the couple getting married, and it is not essential for the wedding. But what about those other rituals that we’ve seen in movies, television, and read about in books our whole lives?

If you have ever seen any movies depicting a wedding scene that takes place prior to the Victorian era (that’s before 1837), the bride is probably not wearing a white wedding dress, nor are rings exchanged (provided the movie is historically accurate). Think of the wedding at the beginning of Braveheart, or even weddings in Game of Thrones (fictional, I know). No rings…

Modern wedding ceremony traditions have undergone a standardization and homogenization. A wedding taking place in California is probably going to be very similar to a wedding taking place in Maine.

This was not the case several hundred years ago when people lived in more isolated communities. A wedding ceremony in an Irish immigrant town in New York was probably pretty different from a wedding ceremony in a German immigrant town in Pennsylvania. When folks arrive in the US from around the world, they brought their traditions with them. It was only when inventions like television brought the same weddings into households of all background that couples started adopting traditions that we now consider mainstream.

The point here is that it is important to separate the trappings of wedding ceremonies from the defining elements of a wedding. That is, two people getting married.

What is the Role of the Officiant in a Wedding Ceremony?

When officiating a wedding, your role as the officiant is to conduct the ceremony. Much like a conductor, you will be using words and gestures to indicate what is to be said, who stands where, and who does what. In addition, you are acting in the capacity of a third party administering a contract between two people.

Traditionally, the officiant role was held by someone of high esteem within a community. This may have been a church leader or other high ranking person in the community such as a judge or constable.

Before the government became involved in regulating and recognizing marriage, the officiant would ensure the marriage was recognized by conducting the ceremony in a public setting so that everyone knew that Mr. and Mrs. Smith were married. It was important that these ceremonies had witnesses, so that it became common knowledge that the couple was married.

THE OFFICIANTS LEGAL ROLE

You can also view your role as officiant from a contractual legal standpoint. In other words, you can think of yourself as the person administering the marital contract to the couple and ensuring that the verbal agreement takes place. The ceremony itself is a performative enactment of the marriage license with the signing being the “I do,” part.

Your bureaucratic role as the officiant is to ensure that both parties are entering into the marital contract of their own free will and sound mind.

Your performative role as the officiant is to conduct an awesome wedding ceremony for the couple and wedding party.

Your legal role is to complete the marriage license with the couple and any required witnesses, and ensure that the completed marriage license be returned to its issuance office.

Is There a Legal Form to a Wedding Ceremony?

There is no legal form to a wedding ceremony, other than that the ceremony must include a Declaration of Intent.

The Declaration of Intent is at the core of all wedding ceremonies, no matter the length or elaborateness of the ceremony.

The Declaration of Intent can be understood as the oral version of the marriage license. Basically, the couple is verbally declaring that they want to enter into that contract, ie, they want to get married.

Beyond that, there are no legal requirements or guidelines imposed on the wording and events in the wedding ceremony. What you do outside of that is completely up to you and the couple.

If you want to have a steampunk themed wedding complete with a sermon on how steam, like love, can power the train of marriage, then go for it!

That said, bear in mind that audience members respond to recognizable templates, and that it always helps to have an introduction and conclusion, so that folks have an idea of what’s going on. Because weddings are public ceremonies, they are performed for the audience as well as for the couple.

What Happens in a Wedding Ceremony?

A wedding ceremony is a ritual during which two people get married. There is no legally required form to a wedding ceremony. However, there are well-established traditions that dictate how a wedding ceremony proceeds. These conventions are observed during the vast majority of wedding ceremonies, and guests have come to expect them. In fact, the components of a wedding ceremony, such as the vows or exchange of rings, act as markers that let guests know what’s going on, and what’s coming next.

Understanding these conventions will be helpful when you are writing your own wedding ceremony script. If a wedding ceremony was a house, this means that the framework is already built for you. Your job is to decorate and expand the house as you and the couple see fit. This is where creativity and personalization come into play as you write your own wedding ceremony script.

SO WHAT REALLY HAPPENS DURING A WEDDING CEREMONY?

In just a few sentences, the wedding party enters. Then, in front of the guests, the couple declares their intention to marry, they verbally agree to be married, and then they are declared a married couple by the officiant. This process could last just a few minutes, or longer depending on how the script is written. It’s really that simple. Of course, most ceremonies are longer because other components like personalized vows, ring exchanges, and readings take place. But these parts of the ceremony aren’t technically required, even if they are important.

The Parts of a Wedding Ceremony

The Procession Explained

The procession is the pre-start of the wedding ceremony. This is where all the guests are seated and the wedding party enters. Before any words are spoken, this parade lets everyone get into place, so that the oral part of the ceremony can begin.

The procession has evolved to include rituals and traditions of its own, however the main purpose is to get everyone seated in the room.

If the wedding were a stage play, the procession would be the part where the house lights are dimmed and everyone is seated so that the show can start.

OFFICIANT ACTIONS

1. Traditionally, the officiant is already standing at the altar before the ceremony begins. If this is how the ceremony you will be officiating is structured, make sure to be ready well in advance of the ceremony. Since you aren’t technically in the “wedding party” you might want to enter from the side. Then, once you are in place, the wedding party can begin making their way down the aisle.
2. As the officiant, you should be the first person to enter and the last person to leave, unless you and the couple have specified a different order.
3. Before you begin the invocation, you may be required to tell the wedding reception to sit once the bride is at the altar.

CEREMONY EVENTS

1. Music is often used to signal the procession and beginning of the wedding ceremony. Think, “Here Comes the Bride”.
2. The guests are seated. Usually the elder guests are seated first by the ushers, followed by the rest of the wedding reception.
3. Once the guests are seated, the wedding party enters in a prescribed order – groom, bridesmaids and groomsmen, maid of honor and best man, all prior to the bride. The specific order of entry should be decided in advance of the ceremony.
4. The bride traditionally enters last, often times accompanied by her father. This ritual is called the Giving of the Bride.
5. Traditionally, everyone stands as the bride enters and are seated again once the bride is at the altar. The officiant may be responsible for telling the wedding reception to sit.

The Invocation Explained

The invocation marks the official beginning of the wedding ceremony. The officiant greets the guests, introduces the couple, and announces the purpose of the gathering.

OFFICIANT ACTIONS

1. The officiant welcomes the guests. This is usually done by saying something like, “Dearly beloved and honored guests…”.
2. The officiant introduces the couple to the wedding reception. “We are gathered here today to join George Clooney and Tilda Swinton…”
3. The officiant states the purpose of the gathering. “in holy matrimony.”
4. The officiant asks the wedding reception if anyone has reservations about the couple getting married. “If any one can show just cause why they should not be married, let them speak now or forever hold their peace”. This part is not required or included in all invocations. It is also rhetorical, as no one in the wedding reception is expected to respond. Historically, this exists to show that the marriage is done publicly and that the community that the couple belongs to approves of the marriage.

CEREMONY EVENTS

1. The officiant speaks to the wedding reception.
2. The couple stands facing each other to the left and right (and slightly in front) of the officiant.

NON-RELIGIOUS WEDDINGS

There is no requirement to include spiritual language in the invocation. Using words like “holy”, “blessed”, etc. should be used only if they reflect the values of the couple. So instead of saying, “we are gathered here to join Steve and Mike in holy matrimony,” you could say something like “we are gathered here to join Steve and Mike in wedded bliss.”

EXAMPLE INVOCATION

“We are gathered here today to unite Mark Zuckerberg and Sacha Baron Cohen in the holy bonds of matrimony. If any one can show just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

The Declaration of Intent Explained

The Declaration of Intent is the part of the wedding ceremony when the officiant asks the couple if they want to marry each other. In other words, the couple declares their intent to marry.

OFFICIANT ACTIONS

1. The officiant asks the couple if they want to marry each other. The couple responds with, “I do”, “I will”, etc.
2. Make sure to turn and face each person when delivering your lines.

CEREMONY EVENTS

1. The couple speaks for the first time.

ADDITIONAL INFO

1. The declaration of intent is the verbal representation of signing the marriage license. It is the couple’s public declaration that they are knowingly and willingly entering the contract of marriage. Their oral statements are analogous to their signatures on the marriage license. That’s why this part of the wedding ceremony is actually required in some states, and why it’s important to include it.
2. The wording of the declaration of intent can get quite elaborate depending on the ceremony. Our sample wedding ceremony scripts provide many variations on the declaration of intent.

EXAMPLE DECLARATION OF INTENT

(Officiant to the Groom)
“Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer keeping yourself unto her for as long as you both shall live? If so answer ‘I do’.”

(Groom To the Bride)
“I do.”

(Officiant to the Bride)
“Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer keeping yourself unto him for as long as you both shall live? If so, answer I do.”

(Bride To the Groom)
“I do.”

The Vows Exchange Explained

The vows exchange is the part of the wedding ceremony when the couple exchange vows that they have prepared for each other, or repeat vows spoken first by the officiant.

OFFICIANT ACTIONS

1. The officiant facilitates the exchange of vows with a simple announcement such as, “The bride and groom have now prepared some vows that they would like to share.”.
2. Make sure to properly cue each person so that they know when it is their time to speak.

CEREMONY EVENTS

1. The couple exchange their vows.

ADDITIONAL INFO

1. Prior to the wedding, have the couple rehearse their vows with you separately. This allows them to prepare, without ruining the surprise of hearing their partner’s lines for the first time.
2. This also gives you a better idea of when each person is wrapping up their vows so that you can let the other partner know that it is their time to start speaking.
3. One of the couple may also plan a surprise for the other. They may want their partner to hear the vows during the ceremony for the first time. If so, you are responsible for helping to facilitate that surprise. This means coaching the other partner in general terms so that the vows are similar length.
4. Even though we have included it here, the vows exchange is not a required part of a wedding ceremony. There are plenty of weddings that do not include a vows exchange. Work with the couple to establish if this will be included in the ceremony you will be officiating.

EXAMPLE VOWS EXCHANGE

EXAMPLE VOWS 1

“Carly Rae Jepsen, I love you. You are my best friend. I am Your Type and you are mine. What we have is Real Love. You are Beautiful and your love will never be Too Much.

Today I give myself to you in marriage. I want to Cut to the Feeling, I Really Like You. I promise to support and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of struggle. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple, and when it is an effort. With you at my side, we will never have a Party for One.

These things I give to you today, and all the days of our life. I’m glad you’ve chosen to Run Away with Me for the rest of our lives.”

EXAMPLE VOWS 2

“I, Chris Evans, affirm my love to you, Serena Williams, as I invite you to share my life. You are the most beautiful, smart, and generous person I have ever known. I promise to always respect you. With kindness, unselfishness, and trust, I will work by your side to create a wonderful life together. You also have an incredible back swing. Just incredible… I love you.”

The Rings Exchange Explained

This is where the couple exchange their wedding rings.

OFFICIANT ACTIONS

1. As the wedding officiant, you will probably be relied upon to facilitate the rings exchange in a number of ways.
2. You may begin the rings exchange with a few words, such as, “The couple would now like to exchange their wedding rings”.
3. The rings exchange may also involve other people in the wedding party, such as the best man, maid of honor, or flower girl. In such cases, the person acting in this capacity is referred to as the “Ring Bearer”.
4. Before the ceremony, clearly establish how the rings exchange is meant to take place, who is involved, etc. Plan this part down to the smallest detail, such as “the best man should step forward and hand the box with the rings to the officiant.”

CEREMONY EVENTS

1. The couple exchange their wedding rings.

ADDITIONAL INFO

1. The rings exchange is not a required part of a wedding ceremony. That being said, it is included in the vast majority of weddings.
2. The rings exchange is a relatively modern wedding tradition. In some cultures there is no ring exchange. In modern times, some people elect to forego the ring exchange for myriad reasons, from refusing to support the diamond industry to creating their own traditions. For instance, a common alternative to the ring exchange is the Handfasting ritual.
3. If the rings exchange includes a lot of words, it is helpful to deliver the lines a few words at a time in the “repeat after me” fashion to make it easier for the couple to repeat. That’s because the couple will also be focused on the act of placing the rings and looking into each other’s eyes. Your job is to make sure they say the right words at the right time.

EXAMPLE RINGS EXCHANGE

[Officiant to the Couple]
“The rings you are about to place on each other’s fingers are symbols of your love. They will remind you of the eternal love that you have for one another.”

[Officiant to Partner A]
“Idris Elba, please place the ring that you have in your hands on Matt Damon’s finger and repeat after me.”

“As this ring encircles your finger… From this moment forward… So will my love forever encircle you… You will never walk alone… My heart will be your shelter… My arms will be your home… We will walk through life as partners & best friends… I promise to do my best to love, cherish and accept you… Just the way you are… I give you my heart until the end of time… I have no greater gift to give.”

(Partner A repeats words to Partner B then places the ring on their finger.)

[Officiant to Partner B]
“Now, Matt Damon, please place the ring that you hold on Idris Elba’s finger and repeat after me.”

(Partner B repeats words to Partner A then places the ring on their finger.)

“As this ring encircles your finger… from this moment forward… so will my love forever encircle you… You will never walk alone… My heart will be your shelter… My arms will be your home… We will walk through life as partners & best friends… I promise to do my best to love, cherish and accept you… just the way you are… I give you my heart until the end of time… I have no greater gift to give.”

The Pronouncement Explained

This is the part of the wedding ceremony where the officiant declares the couple as officially married.

OFFICIANT ACTIONS

1. You announce to the wedding reception that the couple is married. This usually includes the words, “I now pronounce you…”.
2. Many pronouncements begin with the phrase, “By the power vested in me by the State of…” This phrase reflects the fact that marriage is both a spiritual and legal event, and that the authority to solemnize marriage is regulated by the government.
3. The officiant introduces the newlyweds to the wedding reception by saying, “It is my honor to introduce…”.
4. The officiant tells the newlyweds to kiss by saying, “You may now kiss…”.
5. When you tell the couple to kiss, it is important to move off to the side so that the photographer can get good pictures without the officiant standing behind the couple.

CEREMONY EVENTS

1. The couple kisses.
2. The wedding reception cheers.

GENDER NEUTRAL WEDDINGS

The pronouncement can be adapted for same-sex weddings by simply changing out a few words. The example below uses gender neutral pronouns though it can be used for heterosexual weddings as well.

EXAMPLE PRONOUNCEMENT

(Officiant to the Wedding Reception)
“By the power given to me by the American Marriage Ministries and by the State of California, I now pronounce you married.”

(Officiant to the Couple)
“You may now kiss.”
[The Officiant moves to the side. The Couple Kisses.]

(Officiant to the Wedding Reception)
“Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my honor to present for the first time, the Musks!”

The Recession Explained

The recession marks the end of the wedding ceremony. This is where everybody leaves, or “recedes” from the room.

OFFICIANT ACTIONS

1. The officiant should be the last person to leave, unless otherwise specified.
2. The officiant may be charged with instructing people on how to exit the ceremony. For instance, they may assign priority to the elderly, etc.
3. Work with the couple and wedding planners to clearly establish how to recession is to transpire.

CEREMONY EVENTS

1. The order of people leaving is usually the reverse of the procession.
2. The married couple leaves first, followed by the wedding party (bridesmaids and groomsmen), followed by the rest of the wedding reception.

THE IMPORTANCE OF A THOUGHTFUL CEREMONY WRITING PROCESS

Keep in mind that writing a wedding ceremony is an iterative process. Block out a generous amount of time to work on the ceremony. This is important. The more time you put in, the better the end product will be.

And don’t just do the rewrites on screen or paper. Recite the ceremony aloud to yourself. Listen to this advice! Following this practice will give you a new perspective on wording and ceremony flow.

For instance some phrases sound great on paper but feel awkward when spoken. Or a transition from one section of the wedding to another is not flowing well because the wording doesn’t work. Again, acting out your ceremony will allow you to address issues you would have not noticed otherwise.

Remember, officiating a wedding is a performative act. A good officiant does not just read from a script. They are play a role — to officiate, conduct, solemnize, marry. There are many words to describe this singular role you play in the wedding ceremony. But it boils down to, “You are acting, not reading.”.

The point is that having an informed ceremony writing process will help you tremendously in crafting something truly special.

How an Officiant Should Handle a Marriage License

1. Ask the Couple to Present the Marriage License

The couple should have already filed for their marriage license prior to the wedding date. You need to confirm that they have the marriage license with them on the wedding day.

You also need to make sure that they have done so within the appropriate time frame, so that the license is not expired, or still suspended by a waiting period. (Some states require couples to wait a few days between the issuance of the license and the wedding ceremony.)

2. Confirm that the Marriage License is Valid

All states have different laws governing the window of time during which the marriage license is valid and can be signed.

Michigan

ISSUANCE OFFICE: County Clerk

FEE: $20 – $30

WAITING PERIOD: 3 Days to Receive

EXPIRATION: 33 Days

RETURN: Before Expiration

WITNESSES: Two Adults

3. Complete and Sign the Marriage License

Once you are satisfied that the marriage license is valid and all the information on the license is correct, complete the fields relevant to you as the officiant and sign the license along with any required witnesses.

This might seem obvious, but it is important that all the information is presented correctly on the document. You can either do this by checking the details against the couples and any witnesses’ drivers licenses, or by asking them to verify that their names are printed correctly. Changing these details after the fact can be a complicated process.

4. Return the Marriage License to its Issuance Office

Though this is not necessarily something done on the wedding day, it is crucially important that the completed marriage license be returned to its issuance office ASAP.

Returning the marriage license is usually done by mail. Some states do have specific laws requiring the marriage license be returned by the couple or the officiant.

The marriage license issuance office will include specific instructions on how the marriage license should be returned after the wedding. Make sure to follow those instructions.

If you have further questions on how to return the marriage license in your locality, we recommend that you contact the marriage license issuance office.